Made of Love, Feeling Lonely
by MyNameDontMatter
Summary: She is exactly what I need, what I want. The perfect compliment to the fusion of souls Sapphire and Ruby created. Because if there's one thing I know Steven and Connie learned from being fused, is that just because your technically not alone, doesn't mean you can't feel lonely.
1. Fusion Love

**So aside from a 2-3 hour nap at midnight, I haven't slept tonight. Mostly because I just realized the whole Ruby + Sapphire = Garnet thing. (Sorry, I'm slow on episode watching. Also I'm semi new to the fandom so give me a break.). So I decided to put some of tonight to use for something other than dancing around in my room (in the dark) like an idiot and wrote this. Note: Sorry for the bit of 4****th**** wall breaking! **

Being a fusion is confusing. Your two people, acting, living, breathing as one. Your words are the final consensus of an internal debate going on for minutes, and your actions are the combined instincts of the gems who make up yourself.

Yet, while you are two, at the same time, you are one. You are one being who is made up of two. A combination yet a separate being as a whole. While your feelings are influenced by their feelings, they are still different, still yours. Something that they can't feel, only you can. Something that disappears when they disassemble.

I wasn't lying or being figurative when I was fighting with Jasper. I am literally made of love. Most of that song came from Ruby and Sapphire, not me. Including the jab about being single. It feels hypocritical now, seeing as how despite literally being made of love, I am single. Yes, two lovers fusing into a new being creates one being, I am the physical embodiment of their relationship, not a part of the relationship itself.

Even though it's a weird concept, I want love. It's not that I want Sapphire and Ruby to separate so that I can feel the love of the relationship. No, it's that I want a relationship of my own.

Most people would figure I'd fall in love with someone close to me, someone on my team, who I can relate too and talk too. Well. Um, sorry for being predictable I guess.

It's Pearl. The most obvious option of all. Sorry for not falling in love with a mailbox and making this story a bit more interesting. But the fact that its obvious is why it happened. When I'm with her, it makes sense. It makes sense that I would want to be with her, its predictable. Which is why I wondered about it and I guess its why I'm here.

Pearl is beautiful, graceful, but delicate, yet feisty. Yeah, I didn't expect anyone to agree with that last part either. But it's true. You'd have to over think it to understand. Not to mention she's the only one left who has been with me the whole journey. We picked Amethyst up halfway through, and now that Rose is gone, she is all that is left. The only one that can understand, yet at times, she doesn't.

She doesn't always look at the big picture. She is proud and happy when she talks about the war because of the glory we took from winning. It doesn't register that regardless win or lose, millions died and the battle was horrible. She wasn't happy about Stevens idea using the sweater to catapult up into the tower, even though in the end it was the only reason we got across.

Yet, she's not capable of standing alone. I know that's the only reason Rose left me in charge as leader instead of her, a feat Pearl does her best not to acknowledge. Pearl wasn't an individual, she was part of Rose. She followed Rose constantly, and while now she brags about being her only confident and being like her best friend, she needed Rose. Pearl has this thing, where she has to feel needed and wanted. It's why she always strives to be perfect, so she will always be of use, although now I think its developed into OCD. Well, it developed into OCD a long time ago, but my point is still clear.

She is also emotionally unstable. It's always been that way. She's learned to control the panic attacks for the most part, but her emotions are still as unpredictable as Earths weather.

But Pearl is still kind hearted, and her emotional instability works in positive ways too. She has no trouble expressing love or joy, or anything. She doesn't worry about it.

She is exactly what I need, what I want. The perfect compliment to the fusion of souls Sapphire and Ruby created. Because if there's one thing I know Steven and Connie learned from being fused, is that just because your technically not alone, doesn't mean you can't feel lonely

**So I thought I was going to write a oneshot… And then this just sort of ended up ending where it did and it feels like a multichap. Mainly because there is no way to smoothly transition out of this 4****th**** wall breaking monologue without making a new chapter. So yeah, if there are error I'm sorry. Blame lack of sleep. And I would love to hear feed back on how I did explaining my interpretation of Sapphire and Ruby and the fusion of Garnet in general. **


	2. Reminiscence

**Thank you to all the reviews I got on this story. I didn't expect this to be so popular. (I literally just thought that this was just brain vomit from being awake too long)**

**I'm going to respond to all of the reviews in the beginning authors note up here, unless you have an account and you tell me not to. (to or too? I know its not two…)**

**Sinisterways757: Well, the thing of it is everyone has slightly different interpretations of how being a fusion works, so I can't exactly speak for everybody on this one. However, I'll explain my interpretation.**

**Garnet is the combination of two people. And while the two of them are still separately inside her and can take control and whatnot, when the two of them combine in the perfect harmony that they do, they create a new being (Garnet). Basically saying that while Ruby and Sapphire make up her, Garnet has separate feelings and such, not just what Ruby and Sapphire feel. (a more clear example is Sugalite. Do you really think Garnet or Amethyst wanted to kill and destroy Pearl, Steven, and the rest of Beach City? Sugalite formed her own emotions.). So while Garnet is made up of two people, the two people making up her form one new person. **

**BitterSweetEnd: Thanks! Here it is! **

**Applebucker77: Good! I tried to make everything as accurate as I could. Thank you for the feedback!**

**Deadross12: Thanks! I think I'm going to have most of this be from Garnets point of view. I might do like, maybe one or two chapters from Pearls point of view if the situation (character development wise) calls for it, but this is more centered around Garnets journey into the relationship than it is Pearls. **

**Now, onto the story.**

When the heat of the battle was over, Steven was bubbling with questions about being a fusion. Most of his questions had a long and complex answer that would be difficult or impossible for him to understand. I still did my best to answer his questions. Although there were a few silly ones.

"Wait, so if your two people, does that mean you have two stomachs?" I giggled softly at his question.

"No Steven,"

"That would be awesome! Then you could eat all the fry bits you want! You could have one stomach for fry bits and one stomach for cookie cats!"

"And then you'd have two tummy aches." His grin of the daydream fell short at the realization.

"Yeah, that wouldn't be fun. So do you get lonely a lot?" I paused for a moment, Steven was looking a bit awkward now, slouching into the couch. "Cause, when Connie and I fused it was fun at first, but after a while it got lonely." By the way he said it he'd wanted to ask this question a while ago, but wasn't sure if he should.

"Sometimes it does. But that's why I have you and Amethyst and Pearl." I ruffled his hair and gently squeezed his shoulder before getting up to go check on the others. Pearl and Amethyst have a tendency to get at each others throats when left alone for to long. However I could tell by the surrounding silence that at least Amethyst was in her room. Which means Pearl was either in her respective room too, or up here.

As I suspected, Pearl was up here by the cherry blossom tree. Regardless of where she was, I knew exactly what she'd be doing. I silently walked up behind her and kneeled down to where she was sitting by the tree.

"Pearl." I knew I needed to say nothing more. Pearl doesn't need much incentive to talk, and once she starts, her feeling just spill out of her.

"It's not fair." Her voice was small now, lacking the usual authority, grace and power it's accustomed to holding. "All she did was love them. All any of us did was accept them. Why must they destroy this planet Garnet? Surely they've gotten to a point where it just isn't worth it anymore. All the gems that died in that battle, and they lost. Wasn't that enough for them? To drive them away?"

"That was the battle that was supposed to drive us away. We should have all perished." A small sad smile appeared on her face.

"But Rose." Pearls gem glowed and a hologram displayed before us, recreating the scene.

_*Rose POV*_

"_Forget it girl, this planet is going down. Peridot! Deploy the cannons!" mumbling was heard as cannons began lining up in rows. One by one, they began to fire, hitting dozens of my gems at a time, sending them all retreating. "You can run, but you can't hide!" I can't hide. Not now, not ever. _

_I can't save them all. I've already lost several. The victory will be shallow, but its all we can hope for. I heard a high pitched cry that I recognized in a second. _No.

_I ran hit Jade as hard as I could, kicking her away for good measure. She was a tough gem, but some of my other friends saw what had happened and blocked her from me, taking over the fight. _Thank you my friend, for being loyal through the end. I'm so sorry I can't save you_. I reached down to see her. She had fought well and bravely, and win or lose I was undeniably proud. She was a bit scrapped up, but in better condition than most of us, aside from the new gash in her side. _

"_My little Pearl. Sweet sweet little Pearl." I gazed down at her with love and sorrow. It was almost unbearable to see my best friend in such horrible condition, but I didn't dare let the tears escape my eyes. _Not now.

"_Rose, you have to leave me. Even if I can't, win it for us." She's so noble. I couldn't have asked for a better battle partner._

"_Pearl. Give me your hand. Were going to win this." The shaken girl was able to pull her self up to me. I pulled a wrap out of my gem and fastened it as quickly as I could. It will have to do for now, until later when she can retreat into her gem. _

_I know I can't take too many, it would be suspicious. But we can't fight any attackers off just the two of us, especially with Pearl injured. I need my two best fighters._

_I could hear rocks beginning to fall, and as soon as I looked up I could see them. Thy must've shot cannons into the nearby hills to know them down. Gems everywhere were being crushed to death. It was sickening. Seeing their faces cry out to me for help before vanishing. It was then I saw them._

_She was trapped under a rock. It hadn't killed her due to her resistance to damage, but she was still in pretty bad shape. Her glasses were cracked and you could see her right eye. She looked like she might cry, because she knew this was the end, and unlike the others, her death would be slow, painful and she'd have to watch all the others die first. _

"_Garnet!" Pearl immediately started running towards her. The two have been good friends ever sense we met. Pearl was doing her best to lift the rock up, and she was actually able to pick it up a bit. I helped her and we were able to get it up enough so that Garnet could mover her hands and push it off. _

"_Thank you." Her voice was solemn and gray. I know they are both done with this war, and so is she. No matter hoe you fuse them (literally) they don't like major scenes of death like this. Not that anyone really does. _

"_Come on. We have to hurry." We all fled the horrible battle scene, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. I felt horrible for leaving my soldiers on the field, but its our only chance. I can't let them know how afraid I am. _

_I heard a thump behind me, and I saw Pearl on the ground. Her wound had finally caught up to her and she had fallen. Garnet and I immediately went back to her. _

"_Retreat into your gem Pearl. Stabilize yourself." I could tell she didn't want too, but she obeyed and disappeared leaving nothing but her small smooth gem lying in the dirt. I picked it up, brushed it off, and motioned for Garnet to follow. _

_We were here. I had made a secret stash of weapons here, at the base of a mountain. I hadn't even told Pearl about it incase she was captured and held prisoner. I know she'd never think of revealing information and the poor girl would never break, but if they knew she had information they would mentally mess her up so bad. _

"_Garnet, can you get those cannons there?" It was a set of three cannons, all identical to my single Laser Light Cannon, which I had left behind because the triple set was more powerful and if they got destroyed we'd still have another cannon to make replicas off of (plus, how many weapons do you think I could carry and hide here )_

"_I've got them." I had to smile. I forgot how much I adored her British accent. _

"_Good," Now that they were out I was able too store them into my gem. I grabbed a few extra swords just incase, and began to climb._

_As she climbed, I could tell Garnet was having a difficult time climbing, sent most of the openings and places to grab were too small and not strong enough for her. _

"_Garnet. You alright?" She was trying to find a foothold. _

"_Um, yes." She stepped on something and it broke. She huffed in disappointment and continued trying to climb._

"_You know it would be easier if you defused." She didn't look happy. "It will just be until we reach the top, and she'd not going to see it." Nodding, she closed her eyes, and there was a white flash as Garnet was replaced by Ruby and Sapphire. Not only would she have an easier time climbing, Sapphire and Ruby could now help each other climb._

_When we reached the top, Ruby and Sapphire immediately fused back into Garnet, who almost immediately summoned her glasses. As I brought out the cannons I felt Pearl start to shake in my hand before she rose up and was represented before us. _

"_That will have to do for now." She turned toward the cannons "Where did THOSE come from? I wasn't out for that long was I?"_

"_I'll explain later." I began to lift the cannon up as high as I could aiming for the mother ship. Pearl and Garnet both immediately ran over and helped me hold it. All three cannons shot identical blasts through the sky towards the ship, sending it backwards before it exploded into many pieces. From here I could see the weapons that had been destroyed, artillery lying around everywhere. What few ships remained were boarded and everyone began to retreat. _

"_We did it." It hardly felt real. "We won." I felt Pearl hug me and Garnet place a hand on my shoulder. I know Pearl was celebrating, but Garnet could see what was really there. There was nothing we could do about any of it now, except remember it, and learn from it. _

_We went down to inspect the battlefield. There were thousands of cracked gems lying everywhere. It was sickening. One by one, I began to pick up the gems, putting them into a bag. Pearl and Garnet just watched as I collected every gem I could find._

"_Someday." I'm not quite sure if either of them were listening. I wasn't really talking too either of them in particular. "We will fix them. We'll be able to reverse the terrible damage this war has done." The adrenaline of the war was gone, I couldn't stop the tears anymore. Before I could register movement I had Pearl by my side and Garnet was standing closer than she'd been previously. I let my tears fall on Pearl, finishing healing the gash in her side. _

"_Its over." I gasped out. "Its over". _

"She saved us. She could only save a few, but she saved us."

"So now." I got up and took her hand to help her "We have to finish what she started." Pearl nodded before falling in on me for a hug. I was still for a moment before returning the gesture. "We're going to be alright. If we could handle them once, we can handle them again. Plus now we have Amethyst and Steven." Pearl giggled

"I'm quite sure if that's an improvement." The joke had a hint of truth in it.

"Safety in numbers." She pulled away and smiled before wiping her eyes with her hands and leaving to her room. I left her to reminisce and left to go check on Steven.

I walked in to see him in the living room, watching cartoons. I could see three kids running around on a screen to a tune of a whistle that sounded much more elaborate than what most humans are capable of.

"Steven. It's late."

"Awe, but Garnet! This is the only time they show all the old cartoons!" He made his pleading face. I sighed.

"Alright, one episode. That's all."

"Thanks Garnet!" As I activated my door, I could hear Stevens laughed mixed with sounds of the television yelling something about incorrectly going through a maze and "Chunky Puffs".

I let Steven enjoy his show as I retired to my room for the night to read and work on more battle strategies and figure out where to go from the attack, letting the sounds of Stevens laughter help lighten my heart from the memories I just relived.

**Yeah I know, the ending is a little boring, but I have absolutely no idea what Garnet would do at night. I'm sorry this chapter was mostly a flash back as well, but that will be significant later I promise. The characters are still getting over the events of jailbreak (but I still feel like this is after full disclosure, sense there really was no time between the episodes). **

**This fic really has me doing my research, I didn't think I'd be looking up and double checking so many things. If I do have anything here that seems inaccurate (aside from things we don't currently know that I had to improvise/make up, like the battle flashback) please let me know so I can fix them. **

**Also, I'm trying to draw a cover image for this fic, if any of you guys have any ideas for what I should draw, please let me know so I can come up with something. And, that's it. Please leave a review to tell me what you think!**

**P.S. Anyone know what cartoon Steven was watching?**

**\- My **


	3. Injuries

**So I have actually been working on this for a while, just not regularly enough to make any significant progress over any period of time. This has just been sitting in the drafts section of my gmail and I would occasionally pull it out and work on it. But here it is finally. I was worried this would end up really short but it ended up a decent length. Alright, here it is.**

It wasn't until after I'd finished scribbling nonsense on some papers that I noticed some pain in my hands. When I actually looked at them I noticed that they were badly cut, and some of the cuts had opened and bled some onto the paper. I never really accessed the damage after the fight  
with Jasper. One of the downfalls of being semi resistant to pain is that you don't always notice your injuries.  
I left my too and went to the bathroom to fix my hands and see if I had any other injuries. I could retreat into my gems sure, but that takes a lot of time that we don't really have right now.  
On the way out I saw Steven barely conscious on the couch. He should have been in bed hours ago.  
"Come... Come on Double D. Les make go round again. One more... Jaw breaker..." Oh Steven... I picked him up and carried him upstairs and tucked him in. I smiled at him one more time before leaving.  
"Love you Garnet." The drowsiness was embedded in his voice."  
"I love you too Steven." I walked back downstairs to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror at myself before focusing in on the pain. I immediately registered a dash right above my chest. Other than that and my hands, I was fine.  
I went in the cabinet to look for something. I felt a pang in my heart, remembering how Rose would nurture us, always knowing the correct ointment or pills to give. She was always fascinated with human medicine. Human anything really.  
I read the little labels on the bottles, trying to remember anything about them. I knew I was looking for a cream of some sort. But the labels of "Dayquil" and "ibuprofen" were not helping distinguish a particular solution. Even after sorting away the oral meds, there were still about 10  
tubes sitting on the counter. Well, 9. One of them is toothpaste. I picked up one of them and attempted to read the microscopic writing on the bottom. "Warning, do not place on open wounds, keep away from infants and small children". Interesting. I tossed it aside.  
"Garnet?" I didn't have to turn to see her small reflection in the mirror in front of me. "Are you alright". I busied myself with looking at another tube.  
"Yes." She took my hand in hers and began to study it. Letting her soft hands roam my calloused one.  
"Its this one." She picked up a tube that had been pushed almost completely under the box of tissues. She grabbed the box of bandages down from the shelf as well and wordlessly taking a bottle of something and some tissues.  
"This is going to sting." She dabbed at my fingers with the tissue, and i bit my lip, blocking out the pain. I could still feel a slight sting, but it wasn't too bad. She wiped off whatever she'd put on in the first place, probably some sort of disinfectant, and started with the actual  
medicine. She squeezed a little bit of the white goo onto the while part of a bandage, and wrapped it around one of my fingers. I was expecting it to sting too, but it didnt. It actually felt better than when it was exposed to air.  
"Thank you."  
"No problem." She avoided my gaze as she finished wrapping my fingers. "You should be more careful you know."  
"You gotta do what you gotta do."  
"Trust me, I know. We fought I the same war." A small smile was tugging at the corner of her lips. "But try anyway."  
"I'll keep that in mind." Pearl ghosted her hands over mine one last time before letting them go and reorganizing the archaic medicines into their proper spots. I handed her a few and watched her separate them by label and type with detailed precision. She closed the cabinet before wordlessly walking back to the temple door and entering her room. As soon as her door closed I changed the passage to open mine. Deciding to give my bandaged hands a rest to avoid regeneration, I settled on practicing the human activity of sleeping, letting my mind piece together all my jumbled thoughts, weather I wanted it to, or not.

**Alright, that's a rap. Follow if you want updates on when I post new chapters, favorite if you really enjoyed and if you have any positive or negative criticism or feed back for me please leave it in the review box below, and thanks for reading! **

**\- My**


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